netflix knows what’s up
(via certainlynotdavid)Source: collageofchaos
Writing meta is a lot like writing essays. You’re not supposed to get invested. You’re supposed to remain objective. I’ve debated writing this particular meta (I’ve written it and re-written it and deleted it and written it again) because this isn’t something I can do objectively. This is intensely personal for me, because part of what attracts me to Dean as a character is how much I identify with him. I see a lot of myself in him, and so it is next to impossible for me to examine his childhood, his trauma, or his resulting PTSD without getting personal.
It’s scary as hell, putting yourself out there, opening up old wounds so that you might better understand a character—and might, through that, better understand yourself. But I think it might also be important, because I think a lot of people tend to dismiss Dean’s PTSD. Either that or they ignore his childhood PTSD in favour of examining his Hell PTSD. And that’s the thing about Dean. He keeps getting re-traumatized. Trauma on top of trauma that has left his psyche shattered beyond recognition. It’s impossible to look at one crack without looking at the whole. And it is impossible to look at the whole without going back to the beginning.
So that’s what I’m going to do. I’m going to write about Dean and his childhood trauma. I’m going to write about why I think Dean was showing obvious signs of undiagnosed PTSD long before he went to Hell. And I’m going to talk a lot about my own experiences, so that people understand that PTSD is nothing like what you see in the movies. It is a very misunderstood disorder, but also one that I think is integral to who Dean is.